(Note: This first appeared in the Life, Under Construction newsletter from April 1, 2024. The newsletter is published every Monday and Thursday. To become a subscriber, click the button below.)


MPS Admits Referendum About Benjamin Bathing
(from the 4/1 News Service)

A Milwaukee Public School (MPS) spokesman admitted on April 1 that Tuesday’s referendum is about just being able to dive into a pool of money like Scrooge McDuck..

“We’re going to fill the swimming pool at Milwaukee Vincent High School with $100 bills and invite school administrators from all over the district to dive in,” said MPS spokesman Maki Rahne. “It’ll be the first ever Benjamin Bath.”

MPS is asking voters for an additional $252 million over four years in a referendum on Election Day.

“C’mon. We don’t have a real plan for how the money could be spent improving the schools. We’re not even using the money we get to educate kids,” said Rahne. “We’re just maintaining a bunch of rapidly emptying buildings as parents take their kids elsewhere.”

Rahne said MPS does such a good job maintaining the empty buildings instead of selling them that the administrators needed a reward. “Do you know how stressful it is to be completely unaccountable for continuing to run failing school after failing school?”

Administrators will get to “bathe in the Benjamins” during normal school hours until all of the money is stolen.

“It’s not like we have any police on our school campuses to protect the money,” Rahne said. “We know we’re supposed to have school resource officers, but that would just increase a sense of security for students and parents. They might even consider coming back.”

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