Hovde to Eat Raw Beef in Ad
(from the 4/1 News Service)

(Note: This first appeared in the Life, Under Construction newsletter from April 1, 2024. The newsletter is published every Monday and Thursday. To become a subscriber, click the button below.)


In an effort to demonstrate his long-standing ties to Wisconsin, Republican candidate for US Senate Eric Hovde will eat a raw beef sandwich, often referred to as a “cannibal sandwich,” in his next ad.

“We’re going to go for the traditional version,” said Hovde spokesman Sal Moella. “We’re using rye bread, onions, black pepper and minced parsley.”

“We challenge Senator Tammy Baldwin to prove her Wisconsin roots by eating a raw beef sandwich, too,” Moella said.

Democrats quickly accused Hovde of using his wealth to buy the Senate seat by buying a higher grade of beef.

“Most Wisconsinites can’t afford to have a beef tenderloin ground up for a raw beef sandwich,” said Democratic Party of Wisconsin spokesman Holly Wood. “If Hovde were really from Wisconsin, he would eat a ground beef sandwich made with hamburger, a raw egg and tabasco sauce.”

Hovde spokesman Moella responded, saying the Democrats are out of touch with Wisconsinites by supporting open borders. “Tabasco sauce? Is that made from Mexican peppers? What’s wrong with worcestershire sauce?”

Wood replied that Tabasco sauce is made in Louisiana while worcestershire sauce is a British import, “Probably like the car Hovde drives in California when nobody is looking. I bet his onions are from California, too.”

Moella replied that the onions are locally sourced, unlike Baldwin’s tabasco sauce, “which probably came from Hillary Clinton’s purse as a reward for voting with Joe Biden 220%, which is what the inflation rate will be if Biden and Baldwin are re-elected.”

The Hovde spokesman also said more Wisconsinites could afford ground tenderloin before the Biden inflation which Baldwin supported. “Now Wisconsinites are wondering about the price of a loaf of good rye bread.”

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