(Note: this appeared in the October 10, 2024 “Life, Under Construction” newsletter which publishes every Monday and Thursday.)
Dear Readers,
I watched CNN’s coverage of Hurricane Milton coming ashore in Florida just long enough to see a flying object hit Anderson Cooper in the head. He was unharmed, and I’m sure because I rewound the video to watch him get hit in the face again.
It’s what I wanted to see most, I confess, even though I have nothing against Cooper. Admit it. You wanted to see him get smacked, too.
Cooper doesn’t belong out there, endangering himself for attention. Nobody does, really. There’s an evacuation order for a reason. How many of these storms do we have to endure to see a television anchor stand in the rain just to show us video of 120 MPH winds vs. 130 MPH winds. It’s raining, it’s pouring, the anchorman is boring.
But Cooper really doesn’t belong out there. The rich are different than you and me. Yes, they have more money, according to Hemingway, but they apparently lack common sense. You want me to stand where? In the middle of a hurricane? With the possibility of a 15ft storm surge carrying my Armani suit and me into the Gulf of Mexico? Thanks, I don’t need the check. Vanderbilt money. Surely some intern in cheaper shoes can go in my place.
Even ignoring the danger, the conditions must be terrible. Catering will be cold sandwiches and warm beer. Have to save the fuel for the generator powering, Lights, Camera, Action! You are on the air.
We could use a few more of these television personalities to take a pop. Nothing serious, of course. Just the one gentle smack that was owed them by an overindulgent father who spared the rod and created a television personality.
I was so disappointed to learn that a viral video on YouTube of the television reporter getting hit with a flying stop sign was fake news. The flying stop sign I thought was a perfect metaphor. No, really, stop this stupidity. You’re not discouraging anyone from being out there. In fact, there’s some of the locals in your shot now, waving at family members. We’re on television!
To be fair, isn’t that what Cooper is doing?
We have our own version of hurricane camera fever in Wisconsin: the frostbitten weatherman. Here’s a car, a camera, and head out onto the roads to tell us how unsafe it is to drive in whiteout conditions when the sheriffs are begging people to stay off the road. Activate the Snowblind Dash Cam with Power Zoom to show us every car in the ditch.
If that isn’t fun enough, stand on the WeatherPatio with new Frost Cam! to tell us our lips will fall off the moment we step outside in the windchill. It’s minus 50 degrees out here. Schools are closed and hospitals are treating intoxicated men who attempted to write their names in the snow. Now back to the warm studio!
I have a suggestion. Let’s send Cooper to Lambeau Field in late December and have him take his shirt off for the cameras. Paint a big G on his chest and then have him report on how cold it is, but he’s sheltered by the booze he smuggled in his flask. He’ll be performing a national service: reminding us that such attention seeking is really stupid.
James Wigderson
from hurricane-free Waukesha, WI
October 9, 2024
